Did I marry the right person?

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

       

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She

said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I

said,  "It Depends. Is that your husband?"

       

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me

answer  this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on

your mind. Here's the answer.

       

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in

love with  your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch,

and  liked their idiosyncrasies.

       

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a

completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO

anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's

happening TO YOU.

       

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet". Think

about  the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just

standing there doing nothing, and then something came along and happened

TO  YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous

experience.

       

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.

It's  the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone

calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome

(whenever that happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies,  instead of

being cute, drives you nuts.

       

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if

you  think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference

between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or

even  angry subsequent stage.

       

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I

marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the

euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that

experience with  someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People

blame their  spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their

marriage for fulfillment.

       

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is  the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,

church, a hobby,  a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

       

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your

marriage. It  lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in

love with  someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.

But you'd be in the same  situation a  few years later. Because (listen

carefully to this):

       

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT

PERSON;  IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

       

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.

It'll  NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have

to  "make" it day in and day out! . That's why we have the expression

"the labor of  love."

       

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,

it  takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage

work.

       

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are

specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to  succeed

with your marriage.

       

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as

gravity),  There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet

and  exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in

your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct  cause

and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are

predictable...You can "make" love happen.

       

Love in marriage is a DECISION... Not just a feeling.